Theoretically, if I were into you at all...

I have been conversing with a bizarrely enthusiastic hipster man who, in his last message, used 9 exclamation points in 4 lines. That's too many. Is there a quota? I don't know. Now, believe me, I understand that there are far worse heights of douchery that can be achieved, so it's not a dealbreaker or anything. But whatever exclamatory boundary there is, he has crossed it.

Bachelor #1 for today leads me to this question: Would it be rude to message someone to let them know I think they might have a learning disability? He has written words on his profile..do said words make sense together?... I'll let you take a look. This answer is to the question "what book did you last read?" He answers, "I'm not much into reading books but If i was i would read histroical events and true storys in not into Fiction True story Movies are the best because you get to see and get a touch of what went on in that moment." First, this proper nouning of random words in his life is rampant throughout said profile. Second, yes he is a native English speaker...apparently. Third, I like that he answered this theoretically. I might have to take a page from this man's book. For example, to questions about my physical prowess, "If I were an athletic person, I would do triathlons and climb Mt. Everest drinking hot chocolate, I would enjoy running on the beach." He also uses the word "underspoken" and says many women try to turn him down nicely because of his underspokenness and because his mind wanders. I feel a little sorry for him. Sadly, though he may be a perfectly nice man, I don't think I would really, or theoretically, enjoy dating him.

Bachelor #2: I made a bet with myself that if my match, Melvin, wasn't Asian I would eat my own bonnet. I totally won. Of course Melvin is Asian. I do know some things in my heart.

Bachelor #3's favorite place to travel is Florin....Are we traveling to the Princess Bride? He may have also unearthed a new favorite misspelling..."closet" instead of "closest". He says that "only my closet friends know the outgoing me." There are many a gay and delusional road to be traveled with this typo. Enjoy!

Bachelor #4 is also very exclamatory. He also likes WRITING WITH CAPS LOCK ON. he doesn't like commas, which gives us one particularly excellent insight when he says, in response to the question "what do you enjoy doing?" "CHURCH WEIGHT LIFTING" Did I mention he wants to become a PASTOR CAGE FIGHTER? This guy and the dude who wrote The Shack, with its muscly Jesus, are probably right in line.

Bachelor #5  "would like to meet a sweet, genuine girl who is not rude, bitchy or full of herself." et tu, my friend.