Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Hunters and serial killers, I'm no one's tender grass

Today is one of those days when I wish I were a lesbian. My hair color clearly should have been red, but some work of the devil made it blonde, so God gave me Feria to rectify things. Why can't I dye my orientation?

Bachelor #1: My first message of the day was from a FIFTY-THREE year old man. His message started with the sentence "I like your face." Hmm. I guess it's better than him not liking my face. Anyway, he found me from alikewise, the book website. And his #1 favorite book is In Cold Blood by Capote, and they didn't get cheerier from there. He is clearly a serial killer and "likes my face" for the wrong reasons. This made me ponder a moment what was worse than singledom and rather quickly I came up with "being murdered" and "dating a 53 year old". Men are really fantastically optimistic when it comes to this age issue. There's a Chinese saying "Old cows like to eat tender grass" and in its gross, humorous way, I think it sums up this situation nicely.

Bachelor #2: For the record, I did not, in any forum, express anything but disdain for killing and/or our country's woeful educational system, so why am I being paired with so many effing hunters who can't spell or punctuate? hence bachelor 2: "what are you passionate about? hunting faith and love". Now, if he were passionate about hunting for faith, that could be intriguing. "How do you spend your leisure time? nature, pets, prayer." at least we got some commas in there! I'm glad he likes to raise animals and also to kill them. His whole profile had 20 of his own words. Possibly a minimalist record.

Bachelor #3: just one picture. and that picture is of a headless torso and crotch. Just how I always imagined I'd explain it to my children. *sigh*

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